What a day! What a week! What a mess. I feel like a big fat Lazy Lou. And that is not a reference to physical size. The one thing I DO do every morning is run. Ahh, running. Love it! The thing is, somehow over the past five years I have gotten very, very soft. I am always thinking and talking (someone stop me please) but action USUALLY comes much more slowly. Except, unfortunately, last Saturday. I was getting ready for some fun church event. Ladies only, with a lot of my old friends from my last town. It's almost time to go and I think, "I need bangs....." 5 minutes later...SNIP. 2 minutes later, "AHHHH." So they get pined back and I go on my merry way feeling very Britney Spears. And can I keep my mouth shut...NO. I try to convince myself not to talk about it, but that is seriously not possible, even with my most sophisticated friends. All the while thinking, "Somebody stop me please." So, it's not that I am incapable of action...it's the things that bring me to action are somehow seriously flawed.
Really I blame the whole mishap on Wal-Mart. If you are going to place blame it better be good, right.
So I broke my year long ban of Wal-Mart to get some vitamins that are apparently available no where else. Ironically, they were hair vitamins. And it was a new Wal-Mart so it was actually clean. And, get this...the employees were actually nice. Even more shocking, they were helpful, I Know RIGHT! So I decided to go back only a few days later for another vitamin type item, and a birthday present. It was then and there while perusing the toy aisles that I had a very strange somewhat disturbing juvenile mental break. (And this I believe gave me the subliminal desire for bangs.) Words really can't describe the feeling. I saw the 1983 My Little Pony collection. And there in the middle of the package my long lost sole mate embodied in orange plastic, Butterscotch, with butterflies on her rear. Ahh, love. I went back in time and really it was all I could do to restrain myself from tearing into the package. I did inspect it to see if it was open-able...it wasn't. So I just stood there taking pictures of it with my cell phone camera; joining my daughter in pleas of, "I want this...soooo bad!" My husband was a little disturbed that I replaced the picture of my children with that of a small plastic horse. So there it is, I don't know if this accusation would hold up in court...but that's my story and I'm sticking to it! But the story does have a happy ending. Mandee fixed my hair. And it's a lot of fun now.
Actions I should not have taken:
Cutting own bangs
Making 3 batches of cookies this week...so far.
Actions I should be taking, but am too lazy:
Getting a job...
I have kind of tried. So I'm not a complete lost cause...But my heart isn't in it. Of all the jobs I could possibly have, being a stay at home mom is by far the most rewarding. I love my kids. And I love it when they are with me. The idea of childcare in any way, shape, or form really frightens me. I am already having some serious issues with preschool. I really don't care for Preschool Chickie...she makes UT paraphernalia and talks like a little southern boy. She is not a very nice sister and pretty sassy to me. However, stay at home Chickie is a complete delight, she is so darling with her brother and sweet to me. She makes very inventive crafts. Today she made a rocket out of an oatmeal box, painted several paintings and scavenged two pieces of trash for creative purposes; a plastic bottle for an instrument and an empty chocolate chip bag to scent her toys.
You know, I even got my degree with the idea that it would serve me well as a mother. And it has. I love that I have a degree in Studio Art. I'm all about doing fun creative things with my kids. But in retrospect, maybe it wasn't so smart. I'm not very well prepared for taking economic action. I think I have a long line of acting on things impulsively and with just a really optimistic outlook about how life will be. One thing I wish I understood: How some women stay at home and work. I am especially jealous of those moms who do some sort of creative entrepreneurial endeavor.
A good friend of mine had a really rough week. I hope I never have to go through what she is dealing with right now. Which is 100% out of her control, yet she is dealing with it. And then there are my own problems which are 100% my fault. Either way...life is challenging. And either way, you can look at things and question, "WHY ME?" But I think there is a lot to say for how you choose to look at whatever you are dealing with. I think I'll look through my rose colored glasses as often as I can, just like my friend.
Last week Bentley had a field day in the pots and pans and put a big fat crack right in the middle of one of my glass bread pans. I didn't have the heart to throw it away, so I just put it on the bottom shelf of my pantry. Today, as I was finishing making bread, I remembered that one of my pans was broken. I got it out to look at it and I couldn't find any crack at all! Was I wrong the first time? Maybe. Does glass self heal? I don't think so. But I'd like to just think it was a little miracle. I have had a few this week. And even if I'm slightly delusional, I prefer to believe in miracles. It makes every thing else a little easier to bear.
Today, I'm thankful for rain and my realtor/therapist.