Thursday, August 2, 2007

I'm thankful for graveyards and other oddities

My sweet friend Mindy posted a really nice complement about me on her blog. It made me feel like all this silly blogging is worthwhile if we can inspire each other. I feel like there is so much good in this world. All we have to do if focus on it.
This morning I woke up feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude for not only my life now, but for the possibility of good things to come. I headed off with Bentley in the jogging stroller and just couldn't shake this feeling of overwhelming gratitude. In fact, I got kind of choked up thinking of all my blessings and that, coupled with the fact that I was running and pushing a 20 lb. baby, I almost couldn't breathe for a minute. I feel like this morning was a special gift. I usually don't focus on being grateful until the end of my run when I am almost back home. I make a trip through a graveyard near my house for this purpose. I heard Nicole Kidman say once that she liked graveyards because they make her feel small--or something to that effect. I agree. It just brings so much perspective for me to start the day. It reminds me that life goes on after death and that reminds me to focus on the things that do last, like family and knowledge. The other purpose for going through a graveyard is that I can talk out loud without anyone thinking I'm crazy (except for the guy mowing the lawn). I have this thing I say over and over again. I got it from Anthony Robbins: "God's wealth circulates in my life! It's what flows to me as avalanches of abundance! All my needs, desires, and goals are met instantaneously by infinite intelligence. And I give thanks for all God's riches for I'm one with God and God is everything!" (I added the !'s.) And then I think about all of my blessings starting with my family and circling outward and then I continue to include things that haven't happened yet but that I'm sure are headed my way. By the time I get home I feel GREAT!

Today was lovely, I got at least an hour of silence. Which is a miracle at our house. And my friend Sarah gave me some pretty tomatoes and yummy zucchini bread. And I don't know what happened but by bedtime (the kid's bedtime) I didn't think I was gonna make it. I was feeling very inadequate. And overwhelmed by my self imposed ridiculously impossible to do list. I have a huge problem with focus. I can't. I have a lot of unfinished projects and I'm spending a lot of my time doing things that aren't my most important priorities. Like cleaning.

Today I'm grateful for all the different people around me. I feel so inspired by Mindy's desire to learn, Mandee's perfectionism, Katie's persistence, Heather's generosity of spirit, Chris's vision and Sarah's workouts! I'm thankful for my flaws. Which are abundant. But I love any opportunity to improve myself. I hope that I can take the good I see in others and apply it to myself without adding too much pressure, but just enjoy the fact that I'm teachable and ready to make at least some of my faults into strengths. And when I can't I'll just lean on them to fill the gaps in myself. That's what friends are for, right! And I'm grateful for hard times. Because that's when I stretch myself the most. And I know that things will get abundantly better. I know that! And I'm grateful for Mia's awesome piece on So You Think You Can Dance last night! I so cried! :)


Sambo said...

The opening prayer in sacrament meeting in our ward was really nice. I can't remember exactly what she said it was something like "please bless those who are sick, and those who are worried. And please bless those of us whose lives are going well to always remember to be grateful."

Tall Tall Sister said...

I really like that! It's a really beautiful prayer. It sounds like she was praying from her heart istead of just saying what you are always "supposed" to say. Thanks for that Sam.
Sam, this is going to sound really bad, but what do you do if you hate your Ward? I didn't ever think I would become one of those people. Our Bishop is weird, the people in our Ward are annoying and weird, my calling is hard because of the people I work with, and my only friend is moving in a week. What do I do?

I can't be anonymous if people keep writing my name said...

I'd move. Okay just kidding (kind of). I don't know that I have any fabulous advice. I didn't always like our ward in Winston and it was a while before I liked my branch in Warrenton. Buffy hated our ward in Winston for a long time-and the one in Warrenton come to think of it. But we miss both of those congregations now. In Winston people seemed to treat us like dumb kids (which we kind of were) and in Warrenton they treated us like elitest snobs (which I don't think we were). We tried to reach out to the people who we thought we might get a long with to get to know them better. And just tried to reach out to people in general. It wasn't too long before we could tell there were other people in the congregation (especially in the branch) who felt a bit ostracized. And we tried to combat the things we didn't like about the congregations were we could. For instance, in Warrenton they had a bad habit of talking bad about people (one family in particular) and never wanting to change anything. So whenever people suggested change (like singing different songs at Christmas-Heaven forbid) we were real vocal about supporting the person. And whenever people talked bad about the one family we tried to point out good things about them (like the fact that they had about a million foster kids so who cares if they only come to activities that serve food-I don't see you raising any foster kids you judgemental punk). Or another thing was the music director was kind of elitest and didn't really want the choir to perform she just wanted a quartet-of which she was in of course. So after a while Buffy just started refusing to sing in the quartet (because hello they weren't going to sing without her) but would gladly sing with the choir. And I've given myself many a wonderful talk in sacrament meeting when the speaker drones on and on about nothing. When it comes down to it though-as much as I do think a ward family is important-you live the gospel all the time but you only go to church three hours a week. The most important thing about church is partaking of the sacrament, learning the gospel and feeling the spirit. Just figure out what you need to do for that and don't worry about anything else (eg Don't stay for the potluck-just go home). Hope that helps. Good luck.

andrea said...

I'm sorry your friend is moving. :(
I have a theory that it takes at least a year to get comfortable anywhere.

Tall Tall Sister said...

Thanks guys! I'm glad I asked. It really does help a lot. I hope that things will get better. Love you both!